Haofy

The Haofy Brick Cell Phone Ornament is a non-functional iron prop that looks like a vintage phone. It scores terribly in every performance metric because it has no electronics, but it nails the retro look. At $269, it's an expensive desk toy or photography prop, not a phone.

Let's be clear, the performance scores here are a formality. This ornament has no processor, no RAM, and no storage. It sits in the 11th percentile for performance, which means it's technically worse than 89% of actual phones, but it's also a solid piece of metal. The 'battery' score is in the 9th percentile because there isn't one. The camera sits at the 8th percentile since the lens is just painted-on plastic. It's not a weak spot, it's a complete absence of technology, and that's the whole point.

Stacking this against actual phones like the Samsung Galaxy S24 Ultra or the Apple iPhone 16 Pro Max is absurd, but that's where the category puts it. Those devices are pocket supercomputers with incredible cameras and displays. The Haofy Brick is a prop that scores in the single digits for every functional metric. Even compared to a cheap burner phone, this thing loses on features but wins if your only criteria is 'looks like a 1980s stockbroker's phone.' It's not competing with tech, it's competing with paperweights and movie props.

At $269, the value proposition here is rough. You're paying for a niche aesthetic and a joke, basically. For that money, you could buy a functional budget smartphone that actually makes calls and runs apps, or a much higher-quality replica from a prop house. The build quality is only in the 15th percentile, so you're not even paying for premium craftsmanship. Unless you have a very specific need for a retro prop and money to burn, this feels overpriced for what is essentially a shaped piece of iron.

The Haofy Brick Cell Phone Ornament is exactly what it sounds like, a chunk of iron shaped like an old-school brick phone. It's not a real phone, despite what the '4G' tag in the specs might trick you into thinking. This is a prop, a paperweight, a conversation starter for your desk that weighs nearly 200 grams and has zero functionality beyond looking retro.

We ran it through our standard phone benchmarks anyway, and the results are hilarious. It scored a 2.4 out of 100 in our flagship category, which is honestly impressive in its own way. If you need a photography prop or a weirdly specific gift for someone who misses their 1980s Motorola, this thing nails the look. Just don't expect it to make a call.

Skip this entirely if you need an actual working phone, even a basic one. Also skip it if you're just looking for cheap desk decor, a $269 iron brick is overkill when you can find similar retro props for a fraction of the price. If build quality matters to you, the low percentile score here suggests the finish won't stay pristine for long.

Buy this if you're a photographer who needs a retro prop for a shoot, or if you want a heavy, quirky decoration for your desk that will confuse your coworkers. It's a one-trick pony, but it does that trick well. Just know that you're paying a premium for a visual gag, not a piece of technology.